One solution to bad politics would be to make politicians suffer the consequences of their own laws and initiatives. But for real. I mean to really suffer from them. I propose a constitutional modification: Before voting for anything, it must be experienced in the flesh. The Democrats’ passion for anything transgender comes to mind, for example. it’s fine. I’m not opposed to it. But first I wanted to see Kamala Harris and Joe Biden walk out of the operating room with their faces unhinged and their hands on their crotches, and to have the nurse address them as Mr. Harris and Mrs. Biden. How about that?
And tell me, you don’t want gas? great. But your house is warm and your food is on the table. You can’t vote against gas until you have survived the cold, you have had to cook with, I don’t know, wood or striking two damn rocks together, and you have endured the same inconvenience that millions of people are going to experience because of your capricious politics. We haven’t spent decades and decades of civilization building gas pipelines and making our cities an enviable place just so suddenly, because of climatologist madness — child asthma is an excuse — we have to go back to the Stone Age that progressives want for everyone else.
You like abortion? Fine. How about we drag you out of bed with iron tongs six times the size of your head and jab you in the vital organs with needles of the same size? nice? I bet torturing and killing helpless babies won’t be so funny then.
And what about this green madness that Biden’s move to fill forests and seas with huge, ugly, allegedly sustainable contraptions? I will agree to install them when the White House garden is full of them, like they were bees in a hive, and when the president looks out of his bedroom window to be met with the butt of a huge blade, or when relaxing in his bathtub he is buffeted by the devilish flow of a turbine.
And this issue of plutophobia deserves a whole separate chapter, with all the signs pointing to it being Biden’s new election ploy. As I wrote, the president is about to start blustering through his second State of the Union speech, and all that the Democrats have leaked to the press is saying that he will go after the wealthy and big corporations. How original! Che Guevara already came up with that much before. But OK, let’s start with the Biden family fortune. And as for the companies, well, Biden works for the government — that’s pretty much like a corporation, even if it’s a big brothel corporation. But the government, with the amount of money it handles, could be considered a huge company: Let’s take a serious percentage of its budget away from each department and redistribute it among the 10,000 humblest companies in the country. Wasn’t that the tax game?
But there is more. I get it: You don’t like guns. I think it’s commendable; I’m about to get excited. Make love not war! But now you go and shoot down the Chinese spy balloon with a pea shooter, dear. Welcome to the age of coherence.
One of the things the government brags most about is giving a historic boost (with your money) to the electric-car industry. Want to keep passing junk laws to restrict consumer freedom and turn America into a huge Scalextric? Cool. But first, do me a favor — sell your Cadillac One on Wallapop, with its eight-cylinder Duramax turbo diesel engine, which pollutes more than the average American could pollute in a lifetime, and don’t even think about going to environmental summits again with an entourage of 85 gasoline cars. It’s laughable. Skateboards for everyone! Oh, and of course, forget Air Force One; from now on, you’ll have to travel by spreading yourself delicately over a carpet of geese.
Only then, when they have felt in their own flesh the immense and unequal pleasure of politics, Democrats should be allowed to cast their votes on all these issues. I bet that, with no gas at home, being late everywhere because their cars are out of battery, and having lost their balls after going through the trans-specialized operating room, they will begin to see things as normal citizens see them.
Translated by Joel Dalmau.
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Concerning Marie Kondo’s Epiphany
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